Newlytravels

  Last Saturday was an anniversary, however not a good anniversary. It now has been 10 years since our family friend Huey Quinn passed away. It sure dosent seem that way. I was telling a couple of people about it and both talked to me but they talked to me using my pronouns.  The first person said to me I think they chose the name Quinn to help you remember him. Also to keep some of his spirit in your soul. I can tell that you are being a good person especially when using this name. Also when you think about yourself I know you think of cinema and comics, I sort of see Harley Quinn in you. Also she tied back to our family friend who passed and said from what they have been saying it sounds like they had a good soul like yours.  The other person  said to me a bit of the same thing. Like it looks like they had a really goid friend and subconsciously you wanted to remember them. I said that was probably part of it as I had mentioned before. Also I have a what I would co...

  Last Thursday til Sunday we had had beat retreat, heart csmp in person for first time since covid. It was great everyone knew I was now Quinn and they all called me Quinn. Of course there were a few slips but they corrected themselves and then immediately apologized. So I told one of the volunteers I was going by Quinn and am non binary.  After I told her she asked me if I changed it legally. I had said no it will be hard with ODSP and things going on at home. She said look until you legally change it I won't be calling you anything but David because that's your name not Quinn.  Quinn is not valid until it's your legal name.   Then there was a  conversation where she was discussing with others LGBTQ and other things. She said I don't care if your boy girl black chinesse white as long as your respectful we can get along. Even said knew a trans person. But because I couldn't change name legally I couldn't get same respect. 

  I was thinking after the pist I wrote yesterday and the conversation between my niece and parent's about the wedding. Well actually two things about the wedding one was a bit selfish so I scrapped it. Or I think it was a bit selfish so I will get into them.  As I mentioned last night it was upsetting that I was referred to as David and will most likely be invited to the wedding as David. Eventhough my niece said she would use preferred name and pronouns as well as her fiance.   One thing I was thinking of about the wedding and one of the least impactful or in my opinion anyway.   I had planned on giving a speech saying as Quinn I am very happy to.welcome Wade to our family. Yes it's true that Greg's family knows me as my former name but I am introducing myself in my as Quinn in my toast. That would cause nothing but major problems that I truly don't need    Another thing I was thinking about was what would be a cool would be to show up part...

  Feiday my niece was over with sister to visit with everyone and have a coffee. While she was over dad was asking about her fiance and how the job searching was going, both here and in B.C. She ssid both places have really good prospects and B C  will always have stuff for him.  Then my dad brought up the wedding and was asking about the numbers. My niece said probably no more than 50 each. My niece said for me a bunch of friends my wedding party and of course the family.   She pulled out her phone and went through everyone said Pappa you Nanna and of course uncle Dave. This was a bit kick as while ago my niece told me Wade and I will  use your preferred name and pronouns ftom now on. But I'm on thier list as uncle Dave not as my preferred name Quinn I was thinking WTF ugh. 

 Since I first "officially" came out in the middle of 2019 first as gay to my parents as I have mentioned. I think the main reasons were it was the easiest way to come out to parents. I was afraid of doing the entire bisexual thing that I had a suspicion of but not entirely sure. A few friends helped me realize back when I came out to everyone in 2019. Back then it was a huge weight off my shoulders and a great relief . In the begining I got so much support from friends and family it was incredible.   Then I came out as non binary/ bisexual and had felt really amazing. Because my whole life I hadn't felt fully the average "male" or AMAB. I always have had a feminine side, well more so than say the average guy might have. I started to study more into all of  the genders and sexual orientations that there are. As I went through everything it actually probably took me from the time I came out until now to find what I believe is the true Quinn. I know I've ssid ...

   What exactly do I mean by this title? Well ok it's pretty easy from my view. It's the total double standard of life that we all see once or twice the very common double standard. As I mentioned before my family was hugs and happy when I was finally able to come out after many years of being in the closet.  Then as I have mentioned I only am supposed to be out if I am at home or if somebody else is the one who mentions it. I'll give you a couple of examples one of my moms friends saw my pride ring and said oh thats nice. Told her I came out as bisexual and non binary she told me oh its great your living your life in true way.  Then my youngest niece after some confusion over a card said oh uncle of course I'll use your name and pronouns I have a non binary friend plus I know how hard being "catholic" plus our family it was for you to take this step.  Then we get into what is said or so I have been told. Like my family in Australia is so stunned they don'...

🏳️‍🌈  I have many pictures of myself in my Quinn album. As everyone has seen they are a mixture of massculine and my "new side" that being my feminine side and clothing pictures taken of Quinn.   Last night I went for a quick coffee my Friday coffee with my friend. It was the best coffee since I announced myself as Quinn. The funny thing is it had nothing to do with seeing my friend. So after coffee I need to take a bus home and needed washroom thought I better not chance the wait. So I went to the coffee shop restroom. Well wow just wow   So why was it a wow the line for the guys was huge and nobody was waiting for the lady washroom. I felt bit nervous buy mostly ok as I was and am identifying as Quinn my non binary self. Not my old self my dead name and dead sex so to speak AMAB and David. That is gone to me.   I had been wearing my pronoun pin on my jacket. My they/them pin. I went into the lady washroom. When I was finished I was asked if it was ...

 As I sit alone in my basement, listening to music and reading I know in the house I'm not truly alone. I'm only alone when I'm without my parents I know strange. Why is this a fact, because my parents are clouds huge clouds that do as much as they can to destroy this rainbow. This rainbow more and more everyday has found different ways to shine, however the certainly didn't do it alone.  I'll give out to a few people who really helped me and continue to. Aubyn Baker Tom Gallagher, Eileen Murray Jennifer Cannon, Kathryn Slagle,  Teresa Stallone. I of course have others and they of course helped. But these were ones who were really there the most whether it was online or in person when I came out It's nice having many friends who back me up as being in LGBTQ community and love ❤️ my chosen name the one that makes me feel so euphoric Quinn. . It's amazing how it has caught on.  Seeing all those rainbows in my life on hard days really brightens my day  Now bein...

  For my second entry I'm going to focus the majority of my entry on my family.  When I first came out to my family there was a bit of shock, that was understandable. When I came out I was expecting major pushback especially from my mom however they showed they were ok and even showed a bit of pride when I came out to them.  With the pride I was shown it was a weight off my shoulders. I thought this is great I am finally free. However I wasn't and still am not exactly what you would call free. Or not as free as I should be.  Sure it's all fine if I want to be out as long as I am at home. Oh and ever more eggshells I can only be the real me if I am alone in my room or tv room. Like that's the only time I can talk to friends using my chosen name of Quinn. It's a frustrating situation that I can't show my happiness pride at home.   All I want is to 24/7 be the person I feel I truly am. Yes my parents said I was David AMAB. But I haven't felt that for years I j...

  🏳️‍🌈For this entry I definitely think I will explain the title. I had written an earlier entry in blog about me knowing when I was most likely bisexual/Non binary. However this is my first official 🏳️‍🌈pride🏳️‍🌈 as my true identity of Quinn. It has been a great year abd because of that I know it will be an awesome pride month. This month is going to definitely be a very euphoric pride   Well for me pride has always been awesome but up until last few years it has been a secret awesome. That was because I couldn't or felt I couldn't mention anything. Now I feel amazing as not only can I talk about my coming out and the LGBTQ  community I can do it in my "true self"  I've said that to a few people I've gotten mixed comments. On one side I've heard you didn't need to find this new "identity" you were born David you will always be David. Your parents gave you the identity. I've said yes they gave it to me but it wasn't who I wad me...

  I have been thinking about exactly how to write this entry for quite a while. The words just actually hit me now. When I came out yo my family I felt so relieved when I was told I wax being accepted. Then my sister and brother in law telling me they accepted me.  Then when I needed their support the most that's when it wasn't there for me. My relief and feeling at ease went back into a tension feeling whenever I'm at dinner or out with parents. Or if I am seeing my sister and brother in law.   So whenever I am around all these people I have to be the person I don't feel as myself. Like I am wearing a mask. I guess that's why I love poker Toronto and seeing the majority of my friend's. I never have to wear my mask and I have my relaxed feeling. It definitely cuts out the seizure count. 

    Ever since I "officially" became Quinn I have been treated much differently. As a matter of fact as I have mentioned it started well before that. I have of course mentioned through other entry's. But when I was bisexual and still going by my deadname (David) a name I unfortunately still have to hear on a daily basis because that is not me. Or "i" don't feel it is me.  I have heard more than once yes that is you, it must be that is what you were born you are my son. Both mom and dad have ssid that. Also my brother innlaw and sister refuse to acknowledge the real me. The Quinn personality I've always had buy has always been semi dormant. I say semi dormant because of always having the feeling of being bisexual. But discovering much more and I feel so euphoric on phone Facebook and 8/10 times when I'm out.  I say 8/10 times because I'm still getting called by my last name or my deadname. And they have been reminded several times I'm QUINN no...

  Thursday night wasn't a great night for poker, but was an amazing night in other ways. I didn't want to go home early so I decided I would do some window shopping. Or what I thought was going to be window shopping on my part. It actually tuned into some shopping for me.    I got myself a nice top and a dress that I've had incredible compliments on. When I tried the top on it was a pretty nice feeling. But I had worn a few already. Now mind you I've also had a dress but I wasn't intouch with my non binary side. Also it was only a costume for Halloween. This was so much more I guess the word I'm looking for is real.  When I had the pictures taken for me by one of close friends and an awesome advocate Jennifer I had this awesome free euphoric feeling come over me. That's the exact moment I knew I truly and indeed was and always had been Quinn. 

  As everyone knows I came out a couple of years ago. I had felt free and awesome actually more free than ever before. I had even mentioned that I felt more free when I was able to tell my parents I was like oh thank God. Especially when they said they were going to accept me in my "true life."  Well that wasn't exactly the fact that happened. I thought that I was going to be able to live my life as a relaxed gay man. As I've stated before I realized I was bisexual at a point I even thought I might get a relaxed time as a bisexual man. Anytime we have company my parents are saying don't flaunt everything or take stuff off Facebook and please don't wear you jewelry.  I just wanted to be me and daily its so hard. Oh and there have been times I've found pride t shirts hidden because mom dosent want me wearing. Or so it seems. I just wonder if no covid what reaction might be if brought another bf or a non binary partner over  Then I discovered more of me a big...

   I have been thinking about this for a long while now. It has been  giving me very unique and interesting feelings I must say. None of them are in a bad way at all. I a few years ago at a camp I go to dressed up as Dr. Frankenfurter ftom the Rocky Horror Picture Show. When I dressed up in the costume not only did I think it was a cool costume but also I felt so awesome and had a euphoric feeling run through me.   Then I started to touch my ex GF Jacey's clothes seeing thier pics and thinking I would look awesome in that. It was a warm tingling feeling I had. I know odd description but only one can think of.  After stating I was non binary and changed my name to Quinn I started to dress both ways, masculine and feminine. When I touched and tried on feminine things for first-time in store I had tears in my eyes I knew this was who I always was. Even before that when my my great friend Jacey let me try some stuff on I felt all light that feeling of euphoria being...

  This Easter my mom and sister said just get cards and chocolate for my nieces and my nephew. So that is what I did this year just some simple gifts. It mostly because of covid and not being able to go shopping on my own.  The one thing this Easter that I did I haven't done as of yet, I signed my nieces and nephew cards as Quinn all my other cards since coming out non binary have been signed David. David being my deadname. So these were signed using as my preferred name and I had a few tears.   They weren't bad tears actually they were happy tears cloud nine tears. Because I was writing "my name" to my family eventhough do far only nieces and nephew. So I will see how things go at sisters when the cards get read and then my sister and brother in law see them. 

   I recently have been examining everything and have been trying to see if I had any new triggers for seizures. Was working out if was just the same old things or new. I actually did find a new trigger for my seizures. It's hearing my dead name of David.  Perhaps I should clarify one point before I go on. I don't mean if I randomly hear the name David no its when I am called David, and I have to correct and say my name is Quinn. Or if a person says no I won't use it that's not you, not gonna happen.    They anxiety kicks up and I many times have a seizure, not major huge but still seizures. I think to myself "why should I bend for you?" It's like my feelings aren't taken into consideration. I didn't do this just for fun and everything as some seem to think I did.    No this has been a life long journey for sure. As I have mentioned I knew of course I had different feelings when I was younger, however I'm not sure if I've said this but I fe...

   A little over a week ago I was chatting with another one of my high-school teachers online. It was about my preferred name and how I was now going by Quinn. We were talking about this because I had pinned something on my Facebook wall about how that was the name I would now be going by, Kathy had written under she would use that name.  I had messaged her back and thanked her. I was over joyed to find another ally. She told me she had a grand teen who was non binary. I also discussed how I had friends who said we've known you as David over a decade and "Quinn isn't real". Kathy had the most awesome response as other allies have as well. Quinn is very real. Each time I've seen or heard that it's tear jerking, in good way and heart warming.  Kathy has always been amazing I remember her from my time in school what a supportive person she was to everyone. So glad to see she hasn't changed. Another awesome person supporting the real me, myself as Quinn.

   This is a follow up to the piece I did yesterday. The entry about how for so many years I had felt like everyday was Halloween. Like each day I had been wearing a costume and wasn't being my true self. So why did I continue too do that for the sake of family and to keep the civility and peace within the house and family. Well 3 years ago it hit me that enough was enough and I essentially threw the costume away and I stand before you relaxed and care free.  Now it hasn't all been perfect as I had said before there were a couple of other costumes of my own. Like when I first came out as gay that was a costume and in a way I think it was because I thought everyone could live and accept that the best. Well family did as long as nobody was seeing anything. So why have that costume   Then their was the "part costume" of me as David and bisexual. I felt comfortable but not fully complete I  that costume. So that's why I say part costume. Then my Bisexual and no...

  In this my 5oth year I now have officially been out to everyone for three years. I have to be honest with everyone I have never felt more free than I do now. It has been a winding toad journey in a few ways. The first reason I have to ve honest I thought I might lose a few of my friends but they have all been great supporters.   The first part of the winding road was when I first came out as just gay. But I had my conversations and that didn't seem to be me. There was still something  lying underneath it. And during talks and after going over everything me being bisexual was a stronger more definitive feeling. Then I had more feeling inside me   That is the next part in the road it actually was a feeling I had and something people noticed in me. But I didn't see it fully and that was a stronger feminine side than most guys have. I didn't know the exact term until a friend talked to me about it, then I read about non binary and ssid oh my God that is ne. T...

 I know that Quinn hasn't done ann entry in a couple of months, I especially felt like tonight was the right time. Tonight was a very blissful night I really in the end was feeling extremely euphoric over the moon. Tonight I tried dressing more fem than I ever have. I had tried costumes at camp or just costumes but this was more "real".  I have to admit at first I thought I was going to be very nervous. But I was actually relaxed my emotions understood that I truly do identify as non binary They/Them not He/Him as many would say I am. But as Quinn I for sure feel free comfortable with the pronouns They/Them.   I will be writing more as Quinn again I just needed to step back for a bit. 

   This entry is for somebody who not only I have dated but is now one of my best friend's. I'm talking about Jennifer yes like all friends we have had fights and issues over time, especially when I came out initially. However she saw like the majority of my friend's and people I know it's who I truly am. Of course I don't think my family ever is going to accept Quinn or even if went back to just gay.  As everyone knows I came out gay but that wasn't me and it really didn't take long to understand that I was at least bisexual however as I've said I knew there was another layer to me I just didn't have the term. Didn't have the proper wording I  needed, until I started reading about different things. The two that clicked together were bisexual and non binary.  The bisexual made total 100% sense as I've been attracted to both sexes and feelings have been great on both sides. Not just the oh ya he's cute you should ask him out to a girl. But...