Newlytravels

 🏳️‍🌈  This entry is going out to somebody else who helped me on top of my previous friends. This person is Tom Gallagher he is a forner high-school teacher of mine. As a matter of fact he was my favorite teacher in high-school, he was my drama teacher. Actually now that I think about it he probably was my favorite teacher ever. I have had some pretty awesome ones.   I started to talk to with Tom about my fear of coming out especially to my family. We had lots of awesome conversations over Facebook about the topic. I believe the thing that pushed me right into coming out was being able to release everything. He has been and at tines is still a great outlet when needed.  I remember him saying that my family would be perfect with it. He was partially right as they accepted everything from day one. However I think they knew and they just wanted me to say it that was all. Eventhough its been over a year they still are easing into it I've learned to accept that. ...

 🏳️‍🌈 Last year I met two of of the most awesome people ever. Their names are Jeff and Adriann. I remember talking to them online and that was a very relaxing thing for me, especially considering at the time I was just coming out l gave huge massive thought to who I was going to come out too at first. Then after talking with them we set up a night for a meeting.   It truly was a nice meeting comfortable night of a beer and then listening to some music and talking. Both of them are very funny for sure. I started feeling something I had only ever felt a couple of times before in relationships. A couple of my ex girlfriend and when I dated Andrew.   So thanks to the awesome time guys. You gave me a huge starting boost. Plus your humor is beyond amazing both of you. A rocking couple of guys for sure. 🏳️‍🌈

 🏳️‍🌈 Epilepsy is something that I have lived with my entire life. I also know that I am going to live either it for the rest of my life. I know definitely not a fun thing at all. Epilepsy on its own during daily life. Over time ax things build up new stresses come along and can hurt you.  Some examples are straight out relationship's on their own. I know this may seem odd to some but a relationship can put pressure on the best of people at times. Now multiply that by 10 and that is how somebody with epilepsy can feel. Now this is a conventional relationship or what is seen as one.   Now picture being anywhere within the LGBTQ community but only you and maybe 1 other person knows. But you continue to date the opposite sex or not date at all. There is mountains more stres. How do I tell  people.   When all of that goes through an epileptic  persons mind  not only are they thinking  about other people. They are saying no pressure don't h...

 🏳️‍🌈One friendship that I have had and even had a couple of rough patches was the one I have with Andrew.  Sure we had a patch that was tested this mostly happened due to an ex girlfriend and due to a misunderstanding. At the time I took the misunderstanding badly, but I'm glad was resolved and have kept a strong friendship.  Andrew was one of the first people to talk to me about the LGBTQ community. At the time I didn't think as much as I did a few years later. But before I thought about it I had lot of anger as it was brought up when I was in one of most toxic relationships.  I think with everything that was brought up I saw the evil toxic. This made me sit back a few years and look at myself. Still was convinced was nothing but purely straight. Eventhough Andrew and one other person had thought I was either gay or bi.   Looking back onto all of this I understand why they may have thought that way. And I'm glad that with the pushing away he and I still...

 🏳️‍🌈Many will disagree with this but I understand where certain people are coming from when they bring it up. They have the strong feelings I do but because of religious beliefs also have the fear. I've been there and talked to a few different friends how they really want to come out. One like me is bisexual but she also has a deep relationship with God. Everytime she has tried coming out she feels like she would be betraying her beliefs. I told her not too worry if you come out to everyone that's your choice, or it is your choice to keep it either too yourself or maybe select people. Take the time you need.  I also have a friend who has the panic because of her family and I've told her I truly know that feeling. Right now she is dating a guy but she doesn't get the same intense spark as with one of her best girlfriends. I know that lots of new people coming out both fully gay and bisexual go through these feelings. As I had gone through them very long time ago howev...

 The two of these things I find are very close to each other. That is why I am putting them both in the same entry. We all have those friends we can instantly tell anything to, or at least at the moment we think we can. Then when that moment comes its very hard almost like you hit a brickwall with your speech. Nothing will come no matter how hard you try.  Someway's or even months and months on a certain topic we seem frozen. Many times its a fear of what will happen or if we will be judged. Its so hard and you keep searching for words that won't come for us.   Many people don't realize how deep and personal what your trying to do is. Sometimes it is a thought said oh should have been easy to come out. We are all friend's.   Then we have the transition part of everything. When you come out like I did firstly gay then I realized bisexual. You are adjusting everything in a new lifestyle. A lifestyle you didn't think you would ever lead. New perspective for su...

  The first thing that helped along this journey was the church and for a time going but not going. When I was in my younger years I really felt like I belonged in the church and everything it said. Especially because of my mother and all my aunts and my uncle. Plus the fact I went to a catholic school all through my schooling except for college of course. Then there was the time I stopped going to church for a number of years until my mid twenties. Even that didn't fill me the way I thought it would.   Both churches I went to in their own way preached about the evil of being gay. This caused me to really think as I had a gay friend for a number of years and I thought was everything I was believing dead on. Why can't everyone just live their lives. I had started to question why loving somebody was a sin. However just to make things clear  that is not what pulled me away from the church. I just wasn't feeling fulfilled. Not the way I do being just spiritual.  ...

   In 2009 I started attending durham college and that went until 2011. I met a ton of awesome people and some I have kept in touch with some drifted apart. One I even became online friends with two of his friends. In this pocket were specific people who were having me look deep into myself.   The first one of these friends was named Michael a very cool guy for sure. He enjoyed his college experience and enjoyed his daily life. I remember sometimes he wasn't included but it didn't bother him. It didn't bother him because he had lots of people who liked him.  I was one person who at first wasn't sure about him. Then over time I saw what a really nice guy he was. He as a matter of fact stirred up feelings I hadn't had for long time. Once again I buried them but I knew there was no harm in talking.    I must say I am glad we are still friends today. As he has told me about his experiences. Also I've seen how free and brave he is in life. For me that is aw...

 🏳️‍🌈 Over the years I did so much talking to my spiritual advisors ill use term as I don't believe the entire Bible thing. However do believe in a higher power. I know something great had to create everything just never was sure it was "God". I think the times I truly believed in God were when I was younger going all through high-school. Part of that I believe was my mom and her side of family and I remember going to catholic schools you were afraid. Or at least I was.  The whole don't do this or hell don't do that the major sin.  All of that up into my young adult years made me question everything. Like when I got kissed on cheek from certain guys who were gay I didn't know at the time, but I felt the same electricity as when some girls hugged and kissed me. It was a very confusing time for me almost like I was starting to learn everything over again.  One other reason I had to dig deep into myself is I am not sure why but I have always had more friends th...

  🏳️‍🌈In my last two years of high-school and into my first trek through college is when I first discovered everything. It was also when I first started to hide everything because of my deeply religious family. As I said in my opening entry I decided it was safe or time to come out in 2019. But I had always questioned my sexual nature through high-school and my first run of college. During high-school years was when I had met Andrew a mutual friend of a best of mine.  I always felt what I called at the time strange around him, I actually thought it was another seizure each time. Then I realized it was the same butterfly feeling I had when I was dating a girl or just hanging with one I wanted to date. Forcing myself to dismiss everything was very hard but because of what I was believing at time was the true Christian way I forced it and buried it.  Throughout my first term in college I had a steady girl friend so she in a way helped the feelings stay buried.  It pro...

 I did a kill off my last blog. Not on purpose however it actually was due to seizure. So  everything was getting messed up and things were getting totally out of order. It has been a crazy year for everyone and it had caused my writing although to be decent to go off the rails at time's. So I'm starting this with a New Years resolution hoping it will stay on course.  Now I'm going to try keep thing more in order. Not jumping in and out all over place. I kind of had things going around in a big circle last time.  The first thing I'm going to do to stay on a fresh course is say thank you to everyone who over my process of coming out helped me. I'm not going to mention everyone here. That will come later as it did before.   So in this entry I am going to give one specific thank you, that thank you is for Andrew because if I hadn't met him my life would still be in denial and I actually wouldn't be a spiritual person. When I met him I had given up on God and t...