Newlytravels

  I have been thinking about exactly how to write this entry for quite a while. The words just actually hit me now. When I came out yo my family I felt so relieved when I was told I wax being accepted. Then my sister and brother in law telling me they accepted me.  Then when I needed their support the most that's when it wasn't there for me. My relief and feeling at ease went back into a tension feeling whenever I'm at dinner or out with parents. Or if I am seeing my sister and brother in law.   So whenever I am around all these people I have to be the person I don't feel as myself. Like I am wearing a mask. I guess that's why I love poker Toronto and seeing the majority of my friend's. I never have to wear my mask and I have my relaxed feeling. It definitely cuts out the seizure count. 

    Ever since I "officially" became Quinn I have been treated much differently. As a matter of fact as I have mentioned it started well before that. I have of course mentioned through other entry's. But when I was bisexual and still going by my deadname (David) a name I unfortunately still have to hear on a daily basis because that is not me. Or "i" don't feel it is me.  I have heard more than once yes that is you, it must be that is what you were born you are my son. Both mom and dad have ssid that. Also my brother innlaw and sister refuse to acknowledge the real me. The Quinn personality I've always had buy has always been semi dormant. I say semi dormant because of always having the feeling of being bisexual. But discovering much more and I feel so euphoric on phone Facebook and 8/10 times when I'm out.  I say 8/10 times because I'm still getting called by my last name or my deadname. And they have been reminded several times I'm QUINN no...

  Thursday night wasn't a great night for poker, but was an amazing night in other ways. I didn't want to go home early so I decided I would do some window shopping. Or what I thought was going to be window shopping on my part. It actually tuned into some shopping for me.    I got myself a nice top and a dress that I've had incredible compliments on. When I tried the top on it was a pretty nice feeling. But I had worn a few already. Now mind you I've also had a dress but I wasn't intouch with my non binary side. Also it was only a costume for Halloween. This was so much more I guess the word I'm looking for is real.  When I had the pictures taken for me by one of close friends and an awesome advocate Jennifer I had this awesome free euphoric feeling come over me. That's the exact moment I knew I truly and indeed was and always had been Quinn. 

  As everyone knows I came out a couple of years ago. I had felt free and awesome actually more free than ever before. I had even mentioned that I felt more free when I was able to tell my parents I was like oh thank God. Especially when they said they were going to accept me in my "true life."  Well that wasn't exactly the fact that happened. I thought that I was going to be able to live my life as a relaxed gay man. As I've stated before I realized I was bisexual at a point I even thought I might get a relaxed time as a bisexual man. Anytime we have company my parents are saying don't flaunt everything or take stuff off Facebook and please don't wear you jewelry.  I just wanted to be me and daily its so hard. Oh and there have been times I've found pride t shirts hidden because mom dosent want me wearing. Or so it seems. I just wonder if no covid what reaction might be if brought another bf or a non binary partner over  Then I discovered more of me a big...

   I have been thinking about this for a long while now. It has been  giving me very unique and interesting feelings I must say. None of them are in a bad way at all. I a few years ago at a camp I go to dressed up as Dr. Frankenfurter ftom the Rocky Horror Picture Show. When I dressed up in the costume not only did I think it was a cool costume but also I felt so awesome and had a euphoric feeling run through me.   Then I started to touch my ex GF Jacey's clothes seeing thier pics and thinking I would look awesome in that. It was a warm tingling feeling I had. I know odd description but only one can think of.  After stating I was non binary and changed my name to Quinn I started to dress both ways, masculine and feminine. When I touched and tried on feminine things for first-time in store I had tears in my eyes I knew this was who I always was. Even before that when my my great friend Jacey let me try some stuff on I felt all light that feeling of euphoria being...