SOME STILL BELIEVE THE COSTUME IS ME, AND BEST TO WEAR.

   This is a follow up to the piece I did yesterday. The entry about how for so many years I had felt like everyday was Halloween. Like each day I had been wearing a costume and wasn't being my true self. So why did I continue too do that for the sake of family and to keep the civility and peace within the house and family. Well 3 years ago it hit me that enough was enough and I essentially threw the costume away and I stand before you relaxed and care free.

 Now it hasn't all been perfect as I had said before there were a couple of other costumes of my own. Like when I first came out as gay that was a costume and in a way I think it was because I thought everyone could live and accept that the best. Well family did as long as nobody was seeing anything. So why have that costume 

 Then their was the "part costume" of me as David and bisexual. I felt comfortable but not fully complete I  that costume. So that's why I say part costume. Then my Bisexual and non binary side combined with new name came along and helped me so much. It has for the most part cut my seizures and has put me in bliss and feeling like who I had buried under my costume all this time. I also mentioned that for years I was pretty sure I was non binary but never knew the actual term until I was reading watching videos and really knew when I met two workout partners. 

I will be mentioning the people who believe I should still be in costume next, just wanted to quickly say at end will be leaving honorable 🎖 mentions to some who helped and supported me from  day one.

 Now onto the people who believe I should still be wearing the costume. I will also at end be giving a shoutout to those who are happy I'm not in the costume.

 I'll start with my Brother in law now many may ask why I would start there. Ok well when I first became Quinn out of my family he was first one I talked to online and he said I have a question. I said go ahead and he said to me you don't really expect me to ever call you Quinn do you? I said it would be nice as it's my prefeed name. I got the response of not going to happen. 

 Next I'll do a two for one mom and dad. My dad approached me as he heard through a friend about ten minutes after I changed on Facebook about the name. So that night at dinner as I was about to bring it up he said what is with this Quinn stuff. I wasn't ready to get sandbagged so I said it was name I was using online and with all my friend's. Then I was told well that won't legally be you.  

 When I reviewed that conversation and had a talk with the mother of a trans boy she said that's not the real reason tell him. So it took a few days but I did and I'm still David and I have to honest eventhough for 48 years I'd been David I still cringe and get upset when I don't get called either Quinn or one of my pronouns or even my middle name.

 Next is a friend who was so taken back when I first came out to everyone they are still in shock. So now he uses my last name like many have for years kinda like my friend Kevin at poker gets smiley 95% of time as last name is smiles.

 The last person I will mention is an old poker friend who I've known many many years. When I told my poker group I was given a similar response my brother innlaw gave me. Well I've known you as David all this time so you are always going to be that.

 Now for the honorable 🎖 mentions of some people who encouraged me and help me lose the costume. These are in no particular order and I won't get everyone but you all know who you are 

 I'll start with my former teacher Tom Gallagher who when I was scared just before I came out to everyone was like a rock for me. He had amazing advice and told me that everyone would understand. Eventhough that hasn't been totally true as of yet it did help me relax and come out.

 Next I will mention Eileen she's a lady I play poker with and that was one place I was really nervous coming out. As I have mentioned but she assured me that I wouldn't be treated any different and she was right. I have to thank her for having courage to take my costume off

 Next I will talk about is Jennifer my former GF and over the last while have reconnected and has become one of my best friend's. Alot of the reason ironically is because of me coming out. 

 It did hurt her and it never was my intention but in someway's it has helped as we can more easily chat now. It's because there is no pressure also I think covid has given us a new perspective. 

 Next I'll talk about my friend who used to go to camp Aubyn. She like so many others suspected from first glance that I was hiding myself. She was like and still is in someways the big sister to me in this area. She is showing me the support I was hoping I would get from my actual sister and that is just awesome to have that in someway.

 Finally I will discuss Kerry who has a trans son who in a way has been the hardest on me through this. But that has worked out for the best. Like when I talked about getting sandbagged earlier this was the friend I was mentioning. Well I will say I took her advice and said it's not just for online or at poker or friends, this is me this is who I always have been. I was told no this is something not real. I tried explaining how I felt but it didn't fly I've even tried having a couple their friends use Quinn but they won't.

 Thank for the kick Kerry I may slowly be wearing down as my oldest niece may start using Quinn. We can hope for best.