THE RUSSIAN DOLL

  Remember the Russian dolls I think they were Russian anyway. Started with one bigger person and inside was a smaller version of the doll, until eventually you got to the smallest version. That's what coming out has been like the Russian doll is the perfect metaphor. Here is why I say it is the perfect metaphor to use.

 When I first began this journey I came out as 100% gay, 55% because I actually truly thought I was and 45% was because I didn't figure on my family well not parents anyway understanding me coming out as bi or anything else. Then I had a few conversations one in a bar after my poker game two were on phone with different people. They all figured and said basically the same thing, I probably wasn't "gay" but more likely bisexual. I thought that was end and it felt like it for a while.

 Another doll appeared and this one actually had felt like a complete me at least for a short time. Demisexual Bisexual this was actually starting to feel like me, plus I was sure people were going to accuse me of just "being different things" for fun. Not because they were truly what I felt. I also felt this was the one that best suited me because of my need too know a person and have a deep connection with them. I don't just do things freely anymore that spark and connection emotionally needs to be there. 

 Then the last and final dolls or so I believe truly spoke to me not only after tons and and tons of reading about it like I did the rest of course. Also tons of video watching once again like the rest this would be a non  binary demisexual tied with a tiny bit of trans mixed in. This one was really truly an eye opener and it has fit my emotions that I have lived with all of my life so much more closely than any other I've studied up on and watched videos on.

 I through my life never wanted to actually admit it but ok I know it's not the same but it will help understand. As I have mentioned briefly before part of me felt like I was trans but without going through the full operation like my heart and soul many times I've felt like I should have been a girl however not everyday. 

 Also I know this dosent really count as they were just costumes but I've felt comfortable anytime I've dressed fem. One amazing example would be the year I dressed as the lead from the Rocky Horror Picture Show I felt do comfortable for that night. There was also a time I dressed as a woman as a last minute Halloween costume many many years ago. And I remember feeling awesome and thought I'd like this more often even if was just bit make up. 

 Then I dated two girls in the past as I believe I mentioned before. They were very far apart in time but at times I had a similar feeling. Eventhough I was dressed and done up like a guy on certain dates I felt like I was the lady and I enjoyed it. So with this doll it's very interesting. 

 I may not wear a dress or "get dolled up" but I can say I have felt that way with most of the girls I know when we have even just hung out at one time or another. Some I have felt and even shown it more subconsciously to than others I'm pretty sure I wanted them to know. I'm also pretty sure they know who they are.  

 That is the way my Russian dolls have all come out one by one. Yes I admit it was a process but it did happen. And I have never been a more happy person than now even without full family support I'm excited beyond belief an over the moon feeling.