TWO THINGS THAT HELPED ME EVENTUALLY COME OUT.

  The first thing that helped along this journey was the church and for a time going but not going. When I was in my younger years I really felt like I belonged in the church and everything it said. Especially because of my mother and all my aunts and my uncle. Plus the fact I went to a catholic school all through my schooling except for college of course. Then there was the time I stopped going to church for a number of years until my mid twenties. Even that didn't fill me the way I thought it would. 

 Both churches I went to in their own way preached about the evil of being gay. This caused me to really think as I had a gay friend for a number of years and I thought was everything I was believing dead on. Why can't everyone just live their lives. I had started to question why loving somebody was a sin. However just to make things clear  that is not what pulled me away from the church. I just wasn't feeling fulfilled. Not the way I do being just spiritual. 

 The other thing that helped me come out were certain friends and thinking about certain celebrities. Yes I know the second one is a bit odd ill save that. So let me talk about the friend's for a bit, before the celebrities. I had a teacher at high-school school who recently retired who is gay, as you know I attended a catholic high-school school so this could have been the biggest no no in some people's eyes. I always felt that he was gay well not always in my last 2.5years of school. 

 I'm not sure how to explain exactly why or how I felt or knew it. All I know is it was a feeling that was there. I turned out to be good feeling in the sense I was right. It must have been hard for him in ways teaching in a catholic high-school and all. Something I can't even imagine.

 So how did he help me? When I was trying to figure out how to tell my family he said I know they will understand remember I've met them and I've taught your sister. After he said that I told him I was going to leave a letter I typed for them as I was going to my annual camp. He then told me no trust me it will be good and much better if you tell them. This was a teacher I felt closer to than any other and always respected his opinion so I told them instead of the letter. 

 He was quite correct telling them was actually much better than the letter and it turned out to be easier than I thought. So I have to say thank you for that. Definitely was a great help 

 I for sure have to mention this person my first guy I had a huge crush on Andrew. However at this time I was just coming out of a relationship with an ex girlfriend also at this time I still thought it was a major sin. I still partly believed in the Bible and thought about hell. It was definitely a rough patch but now that I look at it a good one and one I was fortunate to take. 

 I was fortunate for two reasons slowly we began to become much closer. Talked more and I saw him more and more. I had a great experience with him I will never forget as I have with anybody I have ever dated. I treasure each relationship I've ever had. This one I treasure in different ways. One way was this was another area I was shown how there truly was nothing wrong with being gay bi or whatever part of the LGBTQ community. So I truly owe a thank you.

 Another friend spectrum is my poker area. In this group I came to later find out many people from day one believed i was either gay or bisexual. When I eventually came out one by one they were very happy for me. However I still hadn't told my parent's yet. All of them encouraged me to tell my family telling me I have nothing to worry about. Your family will love you no matter what.

 I actually think that all of this time they had suspected and needed me to say on my own terms. The two pushed I got first from my teacher then my poker friend's were just what helped me across that finish line. So a big shoutout to all of you.