Newlytravels

 Several times I have walked down the street and seen so many ladies wearing amazing outfits that make me say wow. But this isn't a new revelation no not at all. As a matter of fact I've always had a big feminine part to myself and it was a part I always wanted to explore and release. The more I held it in the more I knew I was hurting people and it was an awful feeling.   Now let's explore when I actually first began to know like for real for real. Yes I had mentioned High school but I really knew with my first true girlfriend. So how did I know I wasn't like all my guy friends like a couple but I was like my girlfriend at the time in lot of ways. I especially remember wanting to just try her things on but was so afraid because of my family.   As I fully came out a number of years ago I no longer cared even though my family didn't support me. With my current girlfriend it was very easy to see who I was. So often I could see and feel my feminine side. And could ...

  This for me is definitely going to a very interesting post and one that has been a very long time coming as well. It's all about my family and how they both kept it from coming and also brought it right into the spotlight. First off as I had mentioned before I was afraid for to long to even talk about anything LGBTQ with my family in a deep way, then there was the side of just coming out. It was a very nail hitting experience for sure one I still play over in my mind at times.   So how was I supposed to tell my family about these feelings I had for years upon years about having my fem side and wanting to explore it. Then after I had explored it what was I to say if I felt comfortable in this new me or as I have come to see it true me.   Another reason my family effected this side of it is because of my disabilities and health I had never been treated like a "full man" I always in a way felt more delicate like the daughter would. Over the years I imagined that ...

  In my last two entries I talked about how I had a number of relationships and didnt fully feel complete or really understand why I wasn't feeling complete. I'm not saying I didn't like anyone just it was like a bit frozen. Or another way to describe it is say when we're a teen or young adult and kinda did things to follow in with the crowd. Afraid to be left behind or out. I will admit there were a couple where I had a brief spark but nothing huge and lasting, except my first GF but that was it was because I thought was normal because of everyone.   Now with the relationship I'm in now it's so much better and different. I'm not in this relationship because I see it as "the normal". Being under the Ace spectrum is amazing because in my relationship it has been awesome since coming out.   I feel strongly that I have found my perfect self. With a mixture under the Non Binary umbrella and the Ace umbrella it's a relaxing place for me.

   This is a bit of an extension of my entry from yesterday. How I found my greyside besides seeing videos and reading all about it. I have to say while reading it was very helpful and eye opening to me. I'll explain how in a bit more detail.    Yes I have been on my share of dates over my 51 years I never felt truly comfrerable with the majority except the ones. Like I really felt special things. I thought that one past GF was going to be like that because lot time we watched TV or play cards. Then one time she kissed me right away I was stunned. Then she sat down asked ne don't you ever just wanna well you know. That's when I knew it was starting to end and I really pulled away except cuddling.  Another GF wanted me wait on her hand foot but that's just not me I need a true equal. I needed somebody who wasn't a control freak. Somebody who would give me breathing room and once again not need just that 1 thing. It seemned for a while that's what I was walking in...

   I did an entry like this quite a while back. I have since taken it out and am doing a newer version of it. As I've discovered or rediscovered another part of myself. I have discovered or as I phrased rediscovered my greysexual side to myself   I have not dated as a grey for a longtime and what ive discovered wow its a much different feeling and different feelings arise as well. When I have been with others in the past especially one Paticular GF I wasn't and couldn't just be the go for it person. I had two relationships in the past where my partner was that person.   When you don't feel comfortable in a relationship like that you really have a different unusual feeling than if you had been in another relationship. You can go with kissing hugging cuddling for very long time. Then you can have the "special times" a lot less and still feel relaxed. Those special times are truly more special I believe.  

  "Man I Feel Like A Woman" To borrow a line from Canadian country singer Shania Twain this is me and in many ways always knew that it was. From back in high-school being jealous of the clothes up until last 20 years. That's when I started play poker on a regular basis. There were a few girls who played at one game and more at another. At the one game on a Tuesday I always thought I was jealous of one guy but it was the girl I was jealous of. Not because of the guy but I so often said that's the body I belong in or at least the clothes   Then my Thursday and Sunday game I got the same vibe this was more the clothing however on those days. Each time I would imagine what I would loom like. Then of course there is ny biggest supporter my amazing girlfriend. She had some stunning outfits and I knew somehow  that I could pull them off even as a costume.  So I started to come out as non binary and trying on different female clothes. Wow what a feeling of absolutely bl...

  As of last night thanks to watching DR. Z a gender psychologist I enjoy on youtube been listening about genderfluid Non Binary and transgender. For the longest of time I had been saying I was non binary because of feeling comfortable in both clothing. However after a few rewatches of videos and a discussion with my GF after the video and my feelings both inside and outside.  For a long time I have felt effeminate and many friends have pointed out how "feminine" I was or am. It was something I never really saw but I guess we don't see those things in ourselves. Not until they are pointed out, so I am now still keeping the name Quinn however I am now identifying myself as actually transgender not just "socially transgender". I guess the reason I used socially transgender is because I can't get surgery.   After telling myself this l ast night early a.m. it was a great weight. It was something I think I needed to admit ever since coming out just didn't kno...