Newlytravels

 As I look at a couple of people I know and hear the stories that I have heard plus seen the videos I've seen I'm feeling a different pull. I'm feeling a pull to the Transgender umbrella identity. I sent a video I had watched out to about a dozen people and 10 of them told me Quinn that is how I saw you when we met. The funny thing was I wasn't as shocked or as upset about hearing people thought I was Transgender or non binary but most used the label Transgender as when I initially came out. Then I heard from virtually everyone yes we always knew we're just waiting for you.   This has actually something I have been burying deep deep down in my life. I would say I really have had it down  into high-school when I had my non binary feelings. But I didn't have the wording language or the terms.  I put myself under the Transgender umbrella because I feel it and have felt it for so long. It's just that I can't actually physically do the transition but in so ma...

   Being at the very least non binary person dating a CIS person I wasn't sure that would happen again.  It really surprised me when I began dating Jennifer again, I'm not saying there is anything bad. Actually indeed  everything has been going like on ice so smooth and a perfect glide.  We've had a few nice at home dates and have brought us together. Simple watching tv listening to music. We get to hug and cuddle and it brings and has brought us closer together. Especially because we don't live super close. Well we do but because neither of us drive it sort long distance.  So no matter the time we get together it's nice and special.   It gets really fun when we go out, especially when I can take my turns dressing up. Plus when I'm out with my CIS GF we can do things in both area's. What do I mean by this either we spend time where pretty much everyone would or we can ho to LGBTQ district's. So both sides get covered.

  This entry has a big tie in to my last entry I made. After a few nice times together and very good excellent conversations Jennifer, some of the best I think we've had. They all have been level and calm not like out past that is the past.  With us starting new letting people know but also not letting the world know at same time. Yes they had a talk with Jennifer and agreed it   We have talked about me being part of the LGBTQ community and Jennifer being CIS. Not just Bisexual on my end but Non Binary however I don't believe my mom and dad or at least my dad will ever see beyond gay. So dating any girl will seem strange to at least my dad.  So now we are seeing who each other truly are. Especially with me being part of LGBTQ community and Jennifer being CIS. I think both of us knewbefore I actually came out I was and that could have been part what hurt everything . That and the part I mentioned in the earlier blog, how we were both toxic but in different ways. ...

  Last night was a long night, not a long night in a bad way but enlightening way. I had been talking with my friend Jennifer about all the toxins we had in our relationships. I think I realized in the first time. Well I guess all of them and after watching some stuff I really realized that we both had toxic actions.   Last night in what I watched I even saw the toxic triggers I was using and it was very enlightening like in a way of revelation. It was very opening for me and now I see fully both the toxic traits we had .  

  I have been thinking about this for quite a while now. It all has to do with me being a non binary person. When I first came out as non binary it was awesome and amazing it was such a lovely feeling. Then suddenly I was getting attacked and it was stomach turning for me. Nights where I would just stay up feeling stressed.  The worst part was that nobody in my family would accept me as Quinn. Everyday I'm hearing on purpose my birthname only person I can accept is my father because of everything he has gone through. But my mother my sister brother in law or any of there kids still use my birth name.  Having people outside the family is just as bad for being a non binary person and it can be mental meltdown sometimes. Especially when people purposely refuse to use my pronouns and purposely call me sir he him.

  Yes I was AMAB at birth but since coming out freeing myself as a Nonbinary individual and becoming Quinn. I have more and more I was feeling my feminine feelings and showing it to different people.   Now yes I still have my masculine side to me. That side is especially at home or when I see other family friends. Another time I notice this is yes certain parts of my birth self obviously is still there and I'm not totally  comfortable using it but I can. It's mostly for my dad.   Another part of my feminine self is at times when I'm out in public I've begun to notice it more. This many many times is just my mannerisms that I show.  Other times I will all out show my fem side in public by getting pictures taken and pictures at my EX GF house and escaping into my prefered life. Using my own pronouns chosen name when I can. I don't think there is any one way to do things right. No one line everyone has to or should follow. 

  Tonight I was approached with a similar question from another friend. I was asked about my recent picture in my Quinn album where I have a skirt on showing my more feminine side of Quinn. I was asked if I was or thinking of transitioning fully female? As I have mentioned no I wouldn't transition not now however I think I mentioned there was a time that I would have.   I had always felt a large feminine side to myself and I always wondered what I would have looked like in girlfriends clothing and my friends who are ladies. Where did I first start this feeling? It was actually split between the end of high-school and one trip I took to Nova Scotia with family. One day I was in jeans a t shirt and a button shirt. That day I really felt half half massculine and feminine in my wear. After this things kinda of both snowballed and stalled, I'll explain that.  I started thinking look how amazing she look and I know I could look the same. Then in high-school because of cath...