Newlytravels

   This is a bit of an extension of my entry from yesterday. How I found my greyside besides seeing videos and reading all about it. I have to say while reading it was very helpful and eye opening to me. I'll explain how in a bit more detail.    Yes I have been on my share of dates over my 51 years I never felt truly comfrerable with the majority except the ones. Like I really felt special things. I thought that one past GF was going to be like that because lot time we watched TV or play cards. Then one time she kissed me right away I was stunned. Then she sat down asked ne don't you ever just wanna well you know. That's when I knew it was starting to end and I really pulled away except cuddling.  Another GF wanted me wait on her hand foot but that's just not me I need a true equal. I needed somebody who wasn't a control freak. Somebody who would give me breathing room and once again not need just that 1 thing. It seemned for a while that's what I was walking in...

   I did an entry like this quite a while back. I have since taken it out and am doing a newer version of it. As I've discovered or rediscovered another part of myself. I have discovered or as I phrased rediscovered my greysexual side to myself   I have not dated as a grey for a longtime and what ive discovered wow its a much different feeling and different feelings arise as well. When I have been with others in the past especially one Paticular GF I wasn't and couldn't just be the go for it person. I had two relationships in the past where my partner was that person.   When you don't feel comfortable in a relationship like that you really have a different unusual feeling than if you had been in another relationship. You can go with kissing hugging cuddling for very long time. Then you can have the "special times" a lot less and still feel relaxed. Those special times are truly more special I believe.  

  "Man I Feel Like A Woman" To borrow a line from Canadian country singer Shania Twain this is me and in many ways always knew that it was. From back in high-school being jealous of the clothes up until last 20 years. That's when I started play poker on a regular basis. There were a few girls who played at one game and more at another. At the one game on a Tuesday I always thought I was jealous of one guy but it was the girl I was jealous of. Not because of the guy but I so often said that's the body I belong in or at least the clothes   Then my Thursday and Sunday game I got the same vibe this was more the clothing however on those days. Each time I would imagine what I would loom like. Then of course there is ny biggest supporter my amazing girlfriend. She had some stunning outfits and I knew somehow  that I could pull them off even as a costume.  So I started to come out as non binary and trying on different female clothes. Wow what a feeling of absolutely bl...

  As of last night thanks to watching DR. Z a gender psychologist I enjoy on youtube been listening about genderfluid Non Binary and transgender. For the longest of time I had been saying I was non binary because of feeling comfortable in both clothing. However after a few rewatches of videos and a discussion with my GF after the video and my feelings both inside and outside.  For a long time I have felt effeminate and many friends have pointed out how "feminine" I was or am. It was something I never really saw but I guess we don't see those things in ourselves. Not until they are pointed out, so I am now still keeping the name Quinn however I am now identifying myself as actually transgender not just "socially transgender". I guess the reason I used socially transgender is because I can't get surgery.   After telling myself this l ast night early a.m. it was a great weight. It was something I think I needed to admit ever since coming out just didn't kno...

  Yesterday I was downtown on a date with my girlfriend. I dressed in a few outfits while I was there and I was feeling so awesome. Not only did I feel amazing but I got a bunch of compliments from people after I had changed into different outfits.   The first top was a black one with little sequences and when going back into the main part of the mall a bunch of transgender guys and some girls told me you really look awesome in that top it really does so much for you. I was beyond the moon with that statement I didn't expect it from so many people.   Then when I had my second top on a straight lady came up to me said your so brave. I looked at her quizzically she said you look so fabulous and your very brave I'm guessing your non binary. I said why yes I am I was born AMAB but I know use they/them pronouns. She smiled said keep on being you. 

  In every other relationship I have been in, including other times my current GF and I were together they were either my GF or my partner/BF. We also had terms of endearment that we would like to use with each other. Things like shutterbug, butterfly for a couple of examples. Then yes with everyone dated typical ones like sweetie hun babe.  With this relationship because of my non binary Transgender identity I got the most awesome nickname/term of endearment ever.  Instead of BF or just hun sweetie I am referred to as a Joyfriend. Joyfriend it makes my heart leap and feel so awesome. Because it's such a gender neautral name that can be used with anyone. Going out and hearing this is my Joyfriend makes me smile and gives me a huge great feeling inside. Nicknames really can be amazing for sure. 

  I had heard a few people describe me as a slightly masculine non binary person, and I have also been told I am a non binary trans fem person. I am writing this entry to tie everything and give my perspective on the views. See what everybody's opinion of the subject is.   Over time when I came out slowly to everyone as non binary at first, then non binary Transgender person people who actually not surprised. So I've gone over and talked to friends asked them where they would place me spectrum wise. Male non binary Transgender. Then on other option non binary Transgender Fem.   For myself I'm leaning towards Nonbinary transgender 55/45 fem with feelings. Many people I have approached without me telling them my feelings and thoughts. The majority have said to me Quinn we definitely have seen a bit of larger fem side. They would also tell me they had seen it from day one of meeting me. It was definitely interesting to find this out. Thanks to everyone for your opi...